2nd Degree from Walden: October 2012

Thursday, October 11, 2012

My Supports

My daily supports come from my husband, children, and aunt and mother in law. I am supporrted financially, spiritually and lovingly by my husband. He provides and pays the bills for the family. My children support me and give me a reason to be me. They accept me for who I am and love me regardless of my flaws. My step daughter provides me with support by always being there to assist at home with chores, cooking, or keeping the children when my husband is not there. My aunt and mother in law are my supports because they keeep the children during the day while me and my husband work. Without them, I would not be able to work and help provide for the family. Day care is entirely too expensive. If any of the these supports were gone, it would impact me personally and spiritually. I have a deep connection and need for allof these individuals and would not even want to imagine living my life without them.

A challenge that I had in the past when I was pregnant was being on bedrest. This was a challenege for me because I had to leave my job where I was making a substantial amount of income to stay home. I had to stay in bed all day and only get up to use the rest room or shower. This was a challenege because I had a daughter and household to take care of. My supports were my husband, who took care of us financially and never burdened me or complained about having to take care of us on his own. My step daughter helped out with keeping the house clean and chores. She also would help me with fixing my daughter's hair, getting her cleaned and dressed for school as well. My aunt and mother in law took turns keeping my daughter and cooking me for us. Like I stated, it would be hard to live my life without these supports. They have supported me and my family through challenges and continue to support us today. It would be extremely hard and difficult to be without them.

The Birth of my first son!

I chose to write about the birth of my first son, who was born preterm at 19 wks and passed away. I chose this birth to write about because it was the most tramautic and most memorable. I also chose this birth because after reading the chapters and sections I think it is important to be knowledgable about your body and to keep up with appointments and take proper test and procedures to ensure that your baby is born full term and healthy. Five days before going into labor, I felt really bad and had an inkling that something was wrong. The physician that I was using at the time had an office in my town but was only there on Thursdays for appt. This was a Friday afternoon and if I wanted to see her I would have to drive over sixty miles to her next office. So, i gnored the signs and went on thinking that I was ok. On Wednesday morning, I woke up with slight stomach cramps. Took a shower, got dressed for work, and daughter off to daycare. Stopped by my Mother in laws house and when I got inside I had to sit down, the pain had gotten progressively worse. Still I continued on to work and and worked through the morning with the pain getting getting worse. Then I went to the restroom and noticed a bloody show. I had a coworker take me to the local er where I had to got through an hour long ultrasound of the baby and my cervix. My baby looked great and I found out I was having a boy!!!! How exciting, that is just what me and hubby wanted since we already had a daughter togther and he has an older daughter from a previous relationship. This was perfect. Now, all they had to do was stop these cramps so I could get home to inform my husband of the picture perfect family we were going to have! Well after waiting hours for a dr, to come in and see my I was delivered the horrible news!! His words exactly was "you are going to lose this baby". He said it with no sympathy at all. I immediately started crying and askign why. He stated that I had developed an infection. My cervix had already dialted to 5 cm, the blood I saw earlier was my mucus plug and when he checked me, the water bag was coming through my cervix. I pleaded with him to do anything to help save my baby. He stated that if the bag would go up some, he could stitch my cervix closed but he couldn't do that with the bag protruding out of the cervix. So I waited nervously overnight, laying basically upside down in the hospital bed hoping that this would help the bag to go back up and at least give him a little room to stitch me up. The next day he came to check me again and told me that there was nothing else he could do. I had developed an infection from having my cervix opened for so long and that if I didnt deliver the baby I would die. I felt like dying right there. This just couldnt be. I was 19 wks pregnant, certainly I could hang in there three more wks. But he said no. I called my normal dr's office and they called a major medical university located near their office who has one of the best neonatal hospitals in the world. However, they wouldnt even accept me since I wasnt at least 21 wks and due to the fact that I had the infection. So I had to accept that I was going to lose my baby boy. The nurse came into to give me something to break my water and everything just seemed like a blur. I was told that I didnt need an epidural since the baby was less than a pound. However, after hollering and screaming in pain from the emotional and physical stress, they gave me an epidural. Even with the epidural, this was the most painful and emotional births of my three births. Even with the epidural I could feel every single thing, I was in a lot of pain but dont know if it was really physical pain or the emotional and mental pain that was causing me to be in pain. Jackson Reed Hemingway was born on July 23, 2008 at 12:18pm. I decided that I didnt want to see him but having to be sedated after the birth, when I calmed down, I wanted to see my baby. I was able to see him and hold him. The hospital provided me with pics and foot prints. Me and my husband decided not to have a memorial for him. Instead, we mourned privately. Although Jackson did not live, I know that if he had, he would have had tremendous health issues to battle. Pre-term babies literally have to fight for their lifes. I would have wanted him to live. However, when I think of all the pain and issues that would have plagued him the first couple of months of his life, I would never want to see my child suffer. His development would have been slowed but learning from this weeks resources on growth and development it is not to say that he wouldnt have grown up to be a healthy baby boy.